But still, here's this one now.
I rolled up the Schwarber's driveway to the gate, Deena
crossing the front lawn to open it, Heather dancing between
her feet and singing: "Mr. Augie's gonna teach me things! Mr.
Augie's gonna teach me things!"
Not that I had any idea what I was actually going to
do, of course. The night before, I'd headed home full
of intentions: I would Google info on dog training techniques,
try to develop some steps that would make it look like I
wasn't communicating directly with Heather, maybe see what
sorts of whistles or hand gestures or whatever went into the
actual practice of what I was about to phony up. But, well...
See, I'm not that organized a person when you come right
down to it. I mean, yes, I've had to get more methodical as
my legs have slowly seized up and stopped working over the
past decade, had to become more aware of the constant pull of
gravity on those parts of me that didn't move properly
anymore, had to get a handle on how torque works so I wouldn't
accidently snap any bones by trying to go one way while the
cold, dead half of me tried to go another.
But that's the sort of thing that teaches you to live in
the present, to concentrate on what's going on around you at
this very moment. Planning for the future, well, it had been
a long time since I'd had any thoughts about that...
Still, Deena opened the gate, and I rolled in along the
little concrete walkway far enough so she could close it
behind me. "Heather?" I said in animal speech. "Before I
start teaching you things, I need to talk to Deena about what
sorts of things she wants me to teach you. So if you wanna go
run around or something, that'll be OK."
"Hooray!" Heather gave a leap, spun in place three
times, and settled into the grass, the feathery red fur of her
tail wrapping around to cover her nose. "It's been so
exciting all morning, I could really use a nap!"
I grinned and heard Deena huff a breath through her nose.
"I thought she was looking forward to this!"
"It's OK." Concentrating, I relaxed my throat. "'Cause
we need to figure out exactly what we're doing."
She gave me a sideways smile. "When have we ever?"
And I will honestly say that having her talk to me like I
was a regular person made me shiver. "I'm looking to start a
trend," I told her.
"Well, OK!" She brushed dirt off her hands. "I'm a firm
believer in trying new things." Her smile got a little
rueful. "It's something that's gotten me into trouble before,
actually."
Which was a can of worms I definitely didn't want
to open. "Thing is," I went on, "you and Heather speak
different languages, see?"
The humor came back into her face. "So she's a talking
dog now?"
"So to speak."
Deena folded her arms. "Is that a pun?"
I held up my hands. "It's just that she can recognize
words. I say 'Heather,' and she--"
"That's me!" The puppy seemed to leap from asleep to
awake and spinning without passing through any step between.
"Mr. Augie! You said my name with air and sound and
ev'rything!"
"Like that." I reached down and scratched between
Heather's ears. "So seems to me we wanna teach her what some
other words mean."
"OK." Deena squatted down to scratch Heather, too, the
dog rolling over and giving off little canine giggles. "So
how do we do that?"
"Bribery," El Brujo said behind me, and I turned,
blinked, couldn't see her anywhere.
"Gus?" I looked back, Deena watching me with concern.
"Is everything--?" Her voice cut off, her concern melting
back into her smile, her gaze moving past me. "Oh! It's your
cat!"
Turning again, I saw El Brujo emerging from the ivy that
clogged the passage between the west side of the Shwarbers'
house and their fence on that side. She padded across their
driveway, her tail stright up like a flagpole, and somehow
squeezed between the slats of their fence, something I
would've bet money she could've done.
"Miss Brujo!" Heather trumpeted, charging toward her with
all the strength of her two-inch-long legs. "You're down here
on the ground, the same ground that I'm down on! Now
we can play and play and play and--!"
"Be cautious, child." El Brujo sat and licked the back
of a paw, its claws arching out just a bit. "Parts of me get
rather prickly when they're played with too roughly."
Heather skidded to a halt, her tongue lolling, her tail
vibrating. "Then may we play gently?? Please?? May we??"
"In a moment perhaps." El Brujo glanced up at me. "Mr.
Augie is making his lesson plan, after all."
"Wow," from Deena. "Looks like there's some
communication going on there."
Which was when the light bulb went off. "Bribery!" I
said.
Deena blinked at me, and I realized I'd used human
language. "Treats," I went on. "Rewards if she gets the word
right."
I could see the light bulb thing happen to her, too.
"Ah! You mean cookies!"
"Cookies??" Heather leaped toward Deena's ankles. "This
teaching things has cookies in it?? Can this day get any
better?? Because I don't see any way that it could!"
And I swear, both El Brujo and Deena said it at the exact
same time: "Another word she knows."
Not laughing out loud right then was the hardest thing
I'd done in a while. "A place to start, then," I told them.
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